Bush & the blackboard George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson on politics. First he asked the kid to write "The President" on the blackboard. Then Bush asked the child what he thought the president should accomplish and the child replied, "Protect the environment and clean up the air." Dubya countered, "Why should the clouds be white and the water be blue when they could be all kinds of cool colors? Is that so terrible. Can't we agree on it? Can you spell "Is" and "We"?

The boy spells out "Is" then "We" on the blackboard. "My friends at the oil companies can make chemicals to make trees tall. If fact, they already did. Can you write, "tall" and "did"?

The boy writes the words on the blackboard. "Now young man, what have you learned from your talk with the president?" The boys stands up and reads what he has written on the blackboard aloud: "The President is we tall did." -------A wise schoolteacher ---- A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." ------Better grades ---- Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades...somebody is going to get a spanking!" -----Where is your homework? ---- Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school -----Science lesson ---- Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!" ----School excuses ---

The following are excuse notes from parents (including original spellings) collected by the University of Texas: They were collected from Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia and Mississippi.

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32,and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother a low grade fever and ached allover. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around.

And the best one... Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was not his fault.